Why Does God Hate Me So?

One of the saddest things I have to deal with personally in my walk with God is when I see religion/faith being used for tragic purposes. This is not a new thing; it has occurred throughout history. Organised religion has been used to justify slavery, suppress women, encouraged wars, oppress homosexuals and other minorities and so on.

The title above is a question asked by a gay person at DailyKos. He describes the emotional turmoil in this childhood, driven from his abusive family and home and forced to live on the streets. The horror of it all, physical and emotional, is unimaginable. But in his heart, he is still searching for God and working out his sexuality. And so he asks, "Why does God hate me so? And can I still be a liberal and believe in God?" The reason why he asks that is because the Religious Right, well, claim to be religious and seem to be have a monopoly on faith.

And I replied to his thread, "Yes, sure you can. I am a liberal because I'm a Christian who believes Jesus' teachings directly contradicts with so many things that the Religious Right believes in. If I don't have the faith, I wouldn't even be bothering taking a leftist stance in many things and be in much trouble with friends etc. It's really a pain, sometimes...:)"

I put a smiley face to laugh it off, but it's painful nonetheless. I've lost friends before because of my leftish leanings such as my objections against prevailing attitudes to gay people. Losing friends because of an idea is not something easy to take. What's worse is that I know this won't end anytime soon.

Feed the poor and thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked, visit the prisoner, blessed are the meek, the peacemakers, the merciful, the persecuted, eat with the outcasts and criminals, prevent a public execution by drawing in the sand, pray in private, do yourself up while fasting so that others don't know you're fasting, don't boast while confessing, don't be a hypocrite, don't be arrogant, easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye than for a rich person to enter heaven, don't just call my name and forget everything else that needs to be done, be compassionate, heal the sick, love your enemy, offer the other when someone hits one cheek, donate anonymously to charities, love your neighbour as you love yourself.

These are revolutionary ideas, even by today's standards. This sorts of value system is in direct contrast to prevailing ideas; in fact, a person holding such views would be seriously disadvantaged. That's why I think Christ is a liberal. He is progressive in his views, doesn't necessarily believe in the status quo, if those views need to be changed. But more importantly, the overriding motivation for being a liberal is love. Love your neighbour. Without such a love, there's no point in being a liberal.

I wonder what Christ would do if he meets a gay person. I think probably he'll have dinner with the guy, and treat him the same like any other human being. He'll also probably love the gay guy like he loves any of us. Sometimes I imagine an imaginary gay person in my mind and I tell the guy, "Look, it'd be so much easier for me if I didn't have to speak up for you. Do you know that?" But then, if I don't speak up, I can't sleep at night. So yes, I blame God sometimes for that. But what is encouraging is silently looking at gay people whom I personally know are living difficult, oppressed lives, and seeing they are actually living out a better testimony compared to some folks who call themselves Christians. I know God would be proud.

A couple of years ago, I watched an episode of Queer As Folk which had a lovely conversation between a few gay friends (quote via Despair). Emmett is going off to a church program that aims to help him get rid of his homosexual inclinations. The rest are sending him off.

Ted: We wanted you to know that we still love you. Maybe not as much as Jesus. Almost. And we're going to miss you.

Michael: Especially the way you dance with your hands above your head, and your Liza impersonation. That's the way I'll always remember you.

Emmett: Thanks. But I don't think God appreciates it quite as much as you do.

Ted (shakes his head): I think God appreciates it even more. Because he created you in His image. At least, that's what I was always taught. And since God is love, and God doesn't make any mistakes, then you must be exactly the way He wants you to be. The way He intended you to be. Every person, every plant, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song. Every tear. And every faggot. We're all His, Emmett. He loves us all.

Amen to that.